|Posted on February 25, 2019 at 6:25 PM|
Written by Vida
By the time you decided to be a stay at home mom,( the SAHM job) what nobody knows is that you have to carry on so many qualifications on your resume...
You are probably wondering since and why a SAHM needs a qualified resume?
Because you have to be a doctor, nurse, teacher, chef, housekeeper, referee, playmate, chauffeur, laundry attendant, accountant, psychologist, and babysitter all rolled into one (I'm sorry if I forgot anyone, you can remind me in the comments below).
When you get together with people they come up with this annoying question….
So what do you do?
With an excited smile, you answer it:
I'm a stay at home mom, I do a hard work…..and that is it…. then your answer is cut off right there with the comments you already knew was coming….
“Oh, so you are a SAHM…
“You are so lucky to be home with your kids”
“I wish I could have your life, stay at home and have my husband working to pay the bills.”
At this point, you don’t even want to disagree, you just keep your opinion to yourself.
To be a stay at home mom and be undervalued by society just because we don't bring a paycheck home and not having an income to show at the end of the year and not having our hard work recognized is something that can hurts sometimes.
Most people think we are living the luxury life with no job, no obligations, no boss and no workplace stress.
Please don't take me wrong. “I'm not dragging here for been a stay at home mom or been negative or unhappy, what I’m trying to say is that: Because we do work hard, we do have stress, disappointments and, we do deserve more recognition.
When I got pregnant of my first son, the decision of stay at home came from both of us, my husband and I. Our decision like most of the parents do were based on economic status and quality of life for our son. And because I wanted too.
Before my son arrived I worked as a nanny for 5 years and was a pleasure going to work every day, I loved the time I worked with kids, it was very compensated to see their first discovers, adventures, words, kids always amazed me with their unique talents and temperaments.
In that time I thought it would be unfair to private myself of having my son with me every day, leaving him in a daycare in order to take care of somebody else's kids. And after all the commute and daycare expenses I wouldn't bring much money home.
I have no regrets about stay at home for our kids, I feel grateful having this opportunity that so many parents would like to experience, and If I had to take that decision today, I would do everything over again, I have no doubt about it. But I confessed I would do some things differently at this time, some little adjustments at the beginning of this journey.
Good moms aren't perfect, I’m sure that I'm not a perfect mother, and I’m so OKAY about this. There is no formula or a course to follow to be a perfect stay at home mom, we all make mistakes and I have made many of them that every stay-at-home is making or will eventually.
But that is how we learn. We may lose our cool and ability to remain graceful during difficult situations caused by our mistakes but it is not the end of the world. But the moment we recognized and realized the boo-boos we are making we can work on it, make arrangements and change it.
Here are some of the boo-boos I had made and I have seen some friends making the same thing and probably you are making too.
I know with the busy life we have, it is easier to get distracted. With all the tasks we have to get done around the house we forget about ourselves, we find the time and make sure to take care of everyone around us but not ourselves.
I have been there, sometimes you don't want to spend money or you just find time and excuses not do it. Please don't go there, and if you are there get out of this path. Taking care of your beauty is fundamental to make you feel good with yourself and don't forget the woman on you.
Take time for a long shower, you can do that when your kids are sleeping, keep your body moisturized, wash and comb your hair, brush your teeth daily.
I can hear you saying…(I don't have time to exercise, I don't like to exercise… excuses on top of excuses.
In the past, I had made a huge mistake of not exercise daily, with the illusion of gaining time to do things around the house. Big setback, not exercising regularly decreases my energy level.
I don't see why not having a daily exercise routine if being active shows so many health benefits, whether physically or mentally. Find an activity that you like and enjoy yourself doing it, make it fun.
I remember the time when I was working as a nanny I used to love when my boss comes to open the door in the morning and she was dressed up nice with makeup on, looking so happy, beautiful and confident.
I used to say to myself: if one day I became a SAHM I want to start my days dressing nice.
I'm not going to lie to you, for the past 7 years I haven’t done it every day. But I did try, of course, on those days that I have to work in the yard I don't dress fancy, but I always choose a jeans short paired with a Tanque.
I refuse myself to wear yoga pants with XL t-shirt with stains and food spiels all over, it can be depressed.
You don't have to go crazy applying layers of makeup or spending time figuring out outfits every day, pick out a group of outfits that make you feel great and stick with it. Just go simple. Just a lip gloss and mascara will make a huge difference.
Don't tell me that you don't have time for it, I will not believe in you. You just need 10 minutes of your time.
“A good outfit is a total mood booster.”
You are a stay at home mom today, but your kids will grow and soon we expected they will have their own life. Have you stopped to think about what are you going to do?
Have you thought about going back to the workforce? I confessed I didn't have many thoughts about this until last year. And when I start to think about it, I got that cold feeling in my stomach.
Work on construction putting hardwood floors down like the first time job I got when I moved to the USA? Clean houses like the second job that I got after the first one? Or work as babysitter/nanny again?
No discrimination in doing all this kind of work, and If you like doing it, my friend. Go for it. Believe or not you can make good money working in the construction sites, or been housekeeping.
But if you are like me, work just for money won't work out for you, at the and of the day you will have money on your wallet, but you will not feel happy, you will not feel fulfilled.
So start to think about what would you want to do after the kids grow up, start planning for it now, start believing in what you can do and learn to be prepared for its time. Don’t wait any longer my dear, please don't.
One thing, I know for sure, time is passing so fast, pretty soon my little one will be in school too.
I don't believe my husband has a clue how is like to be home the whole day with the kids, how much it really takes to be a stay at home mom.
I know he thinks that he works harder than me, I’m not saying he doesn’t, but I have been on the two sides of the road, I had worked on the Construction site for six months, and at the end of the day, I felt tired but not so exhausted like now taking care of my kids.
"It is more a physiological thing than physical."
One of the things I never did, is that I never had him looking after the kids for a whole day by himself.
But I still wanna do this, one of these days I will get to leave the house on a Saturday morning and get to enjoy myself just doing something that I really like and letting him with all the responsibilities for an all day long.
I’m looking forward to seeing how he will be feeling after all. And what he will have to say about being a stay-at-home dad for a full day.
I hope you have been smarter than me and you are already doing it.
I know it can be hard to follow a schedule when your kids are small, especial in the ages of two and below. But it can be done, some days things may change, but most of the time babies can stick with their schedule.
It's good to get your little ones used to a routine that will give you the opportunity to plan your day and get something done.
My baby stick with his schedule pretty well, gets up around 8:30 am, has breakfast, plays, follow me around the house helping me with some clean up, goes for a walk or play in the backyard, eats and around 12:00/12:30 goes take a nap for about 2 hrs. Pretty good isn’t it? (by the time I wrote this, he used to sleep longer but things are changing and that is how it is now, some days just sleeps an hour)
One of the big reason we choose to stay home is to save money, it is too expensive to pay for childcare. The truth is, we can save more money than just the cost of daycare.
We support our husband taking care of things at home. We work hard to provide for our family and forget to think about our financial future.
I'm not going to all the financial future plains we should have or worry about, I'm just going to a simple way to have a little money to yourself without much involved.
Open a saving account to yourself and every week make a deposit of $20 to $30 into this account. It won't impact on the family budget or won’t make you rich having tonnes of money on your individual saves, but is something you should definitely consider.
It can be a big help when you decided not to be just SAHM anymore.
Let me tell you a short story about myself and you probably will understand better… I have been a SAHM mom for 7 years, you already know that. Now that I’m an entrepreneur and a small business owner I don't have much money to invest in it.
I do have material to work with it from the past, but If I had $8.000 to $10.000 it would be a good help for a startup. Just roughly calculate with me:
7 years = 365 weeks
365 weeks X $30.00 ich week = $10.950.00, (not a tonne of money but a good help for a startup.)
It would be the money that I could have saved and now I could use towards into my small business.
Social media can be a waste of time or source of information and income, depends on how you use it. There is more to social media than selfies, smart use of it can enhance your learning.
All this time that I have been home I didn't give any importance to social media, the mistake I made was that I didn't take advantage of what these sites presents, back in my mind social media was just to share family pictures and lose your time, But I was completely wrong about that. You can learn so much from your followers.
Just be smart about how to use it. Set goals, track and manage your time, it's very easy to lose track of time on social media, make sure you use your online time to learn more about skills that can benefit you or some income generating techniques that add value to your life.
You can use social media to identify business ideas and opportunities, learn new skills and techniques, get accesses to the world, but limits your time using it and measuring the results you are getting.
If it is not improving or provide any value to your life just find another way to spend your time that will bring benefits to your stay at home mom life.
When we are raising a family the last thing we want to think about is to get divorced. I know most of us prefer to think it won't happen with us, is much easier just to believe in commitment, in work things out together and make it work, I hate to break it down...It can happen to you whether you want to admit it or not. Divorces are never easy, and when it comes to moms It can be even more overwhelming.
We stay home with our kids while our husband goes to work. We stay home to take care of the kids to save money on daycare. We don't earn an income, in some cases we don't have a career or we haven't been in the workforce for too long, while our husbands tended to their jobs to bring money home and support us. And if we have to face a divorce it can be terrifying, all of this will come to fears and money worries, a financial crisis.
Be knowledgeable about what's going on around your house finances. Take the financial duties responsibilities managing the household expenses. Learn how and what it takes to keep your household running smoothly is a powerful piece of information that always will benefit you.
I know, I know… talk to your husband about money is not easy and may not be in the top of your to-do list. I know that it can be uncomfortable but it is important. You shouldn't avoid the conversation.
Learn how to talk about money with your husband before it becomes a problem. Set a time for discussing financial issues. If it is necessary, go slow, just to get yourself and your husband comfortable talking about it.
Remember marriage should be a partnership, not a dictatorship, at this initial point nobody is right or wrong here. (I am probably repeating myself on something here) You just want to know how your husband is leading with the money, how he is investing and saving your money, maybe you can find out you are spending too much with not really necessary things, or maybe he is is the spender. Maybe he needs help with managing the finance and just doesn't know how to ask….the point is: You should know what’s going on around your home.
I have seen friends of mine which they are a stay at home mom that they never had approached their husband in order to know what they are doing with their money so as a consequence they end up with huge debt with IRS, and Banks. All that because they didn't need or had the right to talk about finances since they were not bringing a paycheck home.
Just make sure to be informed and get yourself out of getting a finance devastating shock news.
My little ones are the most important people in my life, every decision I have to make I think about them, But that doesn't mean I leave just for them.
Yes! I'm their mother and I take all the responsibilities to do what is good for them, but also before the major decisions I have to do, I think about how it will affect myself in the future when they grow up and leave.
The reality with kids...
They leave our house to have their own life and independence, they are not ours. Kids aren't born to complete our lives, they were born to complete their own.
In 2000 I quit my 8 to 5 job to have some time off, 3 months later I started to make jewelry and started my own business. I was traveling all the time, learning new things, meeting new people. I remember in 2001 I launched my first website, in that time wasn't so many businesses in Brazil that could have a website, and that made me feel so modern an update.
When I moved to the USA in 2006, I kinda slow down on things, I got a 9 to 5 job and forgot a little bit to keep up with all the technology and virtual communications develop after became a full-time mom…. Uhhhh, forget about.
When I decided to go back to the business world I was surprised by how “ fast” fast can get, I'm amazed by how much things have changed and I realized I became surprisingly outdated.
I found myself needing to learn so many things that made me think: Where was I in the last 10 years??
I'm not just talking about technical skills, I’m also finding myself challenges in terms of mindset and thinking as well. I wasn't thinking big and been ambitious enough. I'm extraordinarily discovering how the power of a mindset growth can affect your life. It increases your motivation, enthusiasm and your chances of success in changing your life for better.
Most the time as SAHM we make commitments to everyone around us but ourselves, It's time to change, to think outside of the box, You can keep yourself informed, you don't have to get outside of your home to do that so, from your phone you can reach plenty of resources to keep yourself informed and updated with the rest of the word and how things are changing so fast.
There is a myth that, putting yourself first is selfish, something I strongly don't agree with.
Sometimes people don't understand what it means “put yourself first” It doesn't mean you don't care or ignore the need of others. Taking care of yourself putting yourself first doesn't mean that you don't love or care for others.
By taking care of yourself first ensure that you will take care of your loved ones better. In order to be and give your best, you have to feel happy and healthy. If we are not happy and healthy our ability to care for others is diminished.
Find things that make you feel at peace, be an alternative to your needs, care for, and love yourself the most.
Do something that gives your mind a break for such hard work you are doing. Treat yourself by having a quiet time, reading a book, going for a walk, listen to your favorite music.
Hire housekeeping for a day, and take a day off of cleaning and netting things around your house.
Hide a babysitter and get out of the house, have fun with those that make you feel good, go shopping for yourself (please don't stop at the first kid's store that you will see, you are there for you).
Don't let life pass you by, find the best ways to take advantage of it, and enjoy it with no guilt because you deserve it.
At the moment we decided to become a stay at home mom, our kids come to a priority. They come first then everything else in our lives, we start to forget about ourselves, our hobbies, our married, and friends.
Most the time all these foreignnesses are followed by the guilty. The guilty of been judge of taking care of your mental-emotional health.
Be a SAHM is great, but we don't get an annual performance review, promotion, fancy job titles or cash bonuses for doing a good job. We even get a high-five for cleaning up the bathroom, kitchen, living room, cooking (agaaaaaaaaaaaain).
The fact that we don't get recognition for our hard work, can drive us to lose our confidence little by little.
We have the chance to do something every day, that many other moms would love to have the chance to do, stay home with our kids and be there for them when they need us.
But you don't have to be just a made to your husband and kids, you are more than this, you are a stay at home mom to provide quality life to your family and also to yourself, start to include you as a receiver, not just a giver.
As much as might hurt to say sometimes the problem is your attitude or your emotions. You need to change some things and fix what you don’t like about yourself. Start act like you are the queen of your home (because you are!) investing more on yourself, learning something new every day keeping your mind developed. Stand up for yourself showing confidence even if you are feeling uncertain.
One of the best things in our lives is that we never have to stop learning, but with our SAHM busy lifestyle it can be difficult to think about learning new things.
When we think about the things we have to do every day, most the time we are not putting learning on our list, and we could be missing out a lot in our lives.
There are always new skills and techniques to adopt. We always should continually look for ways to improve ourselves. Even been a stay-at-home mom we should strive to help our family in areas that step out of our comfort zone, like investments, photograph, a second language, play an instrument, graphic design, online marketing, coaching and much more.
There are so many reasons why you shouldn't ever stop learning. There is a tonne of things you can do to stay educated and keep your knowledge up to date and the best thing of all this you even need to get out of the house, you can do everything online.
Learning new things will make you happier, It can help you build confidence and a sense of self-efficacy, also fuels our creativity.
Sometimes a see some mothers trying so hard to have things done perfectly. Why be so hard on yourself??
Its ok if you're not a great cook, and the dinner don't come that great sometimes or let the cookies burn out. (by the way, your kids will be more happy with pizza or a bowl of cereal anyway, it doesn't matter how good cook you are)
Its ok if you go out and that best outfit that took you an hour putting together and dressing your kids will be dirty and wrinkled 5 minutes later. They are just kids doesn't make any difference for them, just relax.
Its ok if your friend or family come to visit you and your house is not all clean and organized, you don't have to be perfect on all house chores, special if you have small kids, it's not easy to maintain a clean house.
Don't try to be perfect all the time, otherwise, you will get hurt, and be miserable. It is impossible to be a perfect mom, trust me! That doesn't exist.
Instead, have fun with your imperfections, (that is what I do) make jokes with the things that go wrong, instead to be upset just laugh about it, your kids will go with you, just relax and play around on your favor.
"Life can be fun, anytime, anywhere. Don’t stress yourself with unnecessary stuff."
There are a lot of benefits been home with your kids, nothing in the word is more rewarding then see your child first rolling over, smile, crawling, step, word, pretty much everything they do will make you proud, happy and grateful for have that opportunity.
Getting to see all these things and knowing you are there for them when they need you is a major fact to our happiness, to fulfill our lives as SAHM.
But we have to face that, it isn't a sea of roses the whole time, there are some things to be arranged and some fixing too.
We can't forget that our kids will grow up and someday soon they will have their own life, and we have to be prepared for that transition, and that can be even more difficult then the first time you became a stay at home mom. Also….
We can't forget that, behind a dedicate mom, still have a beautiful wife, a confident and valuable smart woman that loves herself and have big dreams. And putting yourself first doesn't mean you are a selfish person, you are taking care of yourself, and then be able to give the best of you to your loved ones.
Share your thoughts about this post. Let me know if it helps you in some way and what could be interesting and helpful to you for a future post.
Thank you for been here! I appreciate you